- Okay, so today,
we are demoing the upcoming Limon product Symphony.
- How am I supposed to pair this with my phone?
- You don't.
Symphony is supposed to replace your phone.
The earpiece is so Limon can communicate with you.
Take the ring, put it on your index finger,
and create a sign language to speak to Limon.
And then the sunglasses are for when you want to stream video.
- I get it, symphony. [scoffs]
Yeah, this is so stupid.
[laughter]
- Really?
'Cause I think this is gonna be
the most dominant piece of technology in a decade.
- Are you serious? - Everyone's so intimate
and connected with their Limon when they're at home.
When you put Limon in your head,
it's just taking that personal relationship
into the public sphere.
- With all due respect, Mr. Richmond,
it's a phone without the screen.
What's the point?
- You know, I started this company when I was 19,
and for that reason, I've always had this policy
of trusting and promoting youth,
but clearly I've been blind,
and I really don't have anyone to blame but myself.
You're all fired.
[spacey electronic music]
- It's a phone without a screen.
Awesome.
Phones are stupid.
all: Yeah.
- Thank you, Jasper.
You've always had your finger on the pulse.
- As two friends talking, if you don't pivot to Symphony,
you willget left behind.
I gotta run. Dinkles, bitch monkeys.
- Limon, set up a meeting at your corporate offices.
- Of course, Charles.
- Also, what does dinkles mean?
- Coming out of the cinder block trap scene
of Shreveport in the late 2020s,
Dinkles Poindexter was known
for always leaving a party at the right time, the first--
- Stop, just--just stop it.
[sighs]
I learned years ago the power a voice can have on people
because all day long every day,
the only voice they have in their head is their own,
and it's boring as hell.
At a base level, all forms of entertainment
are just swapping out your old voice for a new one,
and if it's the right voice,
people will let it run in their head all day.
You guys are positioning Symphony
as primarily an audio entertainment system,
which is why partnering with Gradient Worldwide
offers Limon such a unique opportunity.
We've developed a program
that can quantify and search for human charisma
based on voice alone,
and we use that proprietary software
to discover new talent before anyone else,
talent which can then be funneled
directly into Symphony for the right price.
- Thank you, Mr. Richmond.
- We have another 35 meetings to get through this afternoon,
but a live person will get back to you soon.
[device beeping]
Immediately acquire ownership of Gradient Worldwide,
no matter the cost.
Go.
- The advancements in the treatment of Parkinson's
have been steady and significant,
but there still is no cure.
- Oh, what are you talking about?
I'm steady as a rock.
Just got to do something about the Parkinson's in this hand.
- You're already experiencing tremors.
Soon, there will be slowed movement,
rigid or stiff muscles,
impaired posture, imbalance, speech changes.
- Wait, his voice is gonna change?
- Yes, and eventually,
Jim is going to lose the ability to speak entirely.
- All I can say is, thank God. - Yeah, I guess life
finally found a way to make you shut up, old man.
- Oh, no, not a chance. I'm gonna go full
Stephen Hawking on both of your asses.
Already been practicing my speed-blinking.
I just said, "I'm frightened of Kodiak bears
and this fellow named Phil."
- I just want to make sure you understand
the gravity of the situation.
- I'm just trying to lighten things up a little bit.
I'm sure you get this kind of thing a lot.
- No, we don't.
So, um, why don't we start you on Carlopa?
I've been seeing a lot of success with that,
and we'll take some tests in six weeks,
and if your body reacts well,
it could delay the onset of most symptoms.
- For how long?
- Ballpark, eight to ten good years.
- What if my body doesn't react well?
- You've been on so many other medications without success.
Optional euthanasia has been a popular choice these days.
- For Parkinson's patients? - For all my patients.
- [laughs] There you go.
Good one, Doc. - That wasn't a joke.
We do it right here in the office.
- Dark times. [chuckles]
Dark, dark, dark times. [clicks tongue]
- [breathing heavily]
Sorry I took so long.
Couldn't stop thinking
about the shrimp cocktail at the sex club.
- That's all right.
I mean, normally, I'd be offended.
I was putting in some pretty serious work down there,
but I totally get it about the shrimp.
You know they fly that stuff in fresh daily from the gulf?
FYI, Friday is oyster night, but it's also S&M night,
so if you want to sample that buffet,
you might have to leash me, which we could--
we could definitely talk about it.
Whew. [chuckles]
[sighs]
Boy, this might be my favorite work day ever.
This passes the time that I bet John Kruk
he couldn't eat 100 chicken nuggets in an hour.
There were some big, big laughs that afternoon,
and a viscous gel started oozing out of his--
- Brockmire, why do you have to ruin everything?
- I'm just-- I'm enjoying the moment.
- You're commenting on the moment.
- What do you want me to do,
live the unexamined life like that Tom Cruise idiot?
I mean, the guy skydives from outer space
and has his organs replaced every six months.
- The good moments are so few and far between.
Just shut up
and enjoy them.
- Well, that's good advice.
A young Patrick Duffy told me the same exact thing in 1994.
TGIF programming block was at its absolute zenith.
[knock on door]
Oh, one sec--we're-- - Hold on.
- If I didn't say anything about the cocaine,
I'm not gonna say anything about you two
banging at the office.
Some updates:
All the spring training games finished
in under 2 hours and 30 minutes,
no tech problems with the cameras
or the streaming footage.
Choo, choo, choo.
- How'd you get a Symphony? - Oh, this?
They're sending prototypes to tastemakers.
Anyway, the rollout is all going incredibly well, but--
- [sighs] No one's watching.
- Exactly. - God, it doesn't matter
how many times we tell people to watch baseball.
They just don't do it
unless they hear it from someone they trust.
- Hold on now 'cause I have an idea,
and nobody is gonna see this baby coming.
- Jim, Jules, we've been expecting you.
- 'Cause you see and hear everything.
God, I always forget that.
- We know that, Jim. We know. - Thank you.
- Mm-hmm. - Knows we drink tea and wine.
- Charles, the hell are you doing here?
- Limon just bought my company.
I have $7 billion in the bank right now.
Everybody is moving a little too slowly
and talking a little too fast.
I think I'm--no, definitely, I'm still in shock about it.
- Three divorces and no kids,
this is not at all where I expected to be at 34.
I spent two decades of my life hustling
to stay on top of trends and tastes and technology.
Constant relevancy is exhausting.
- You made the right choice. Last time I was there,
it was like an after-school center for cool tweens.
- Do either of you guys have a zeppelin guy?
I kind of feel like I'm the super rich asshole
that is into private blimping.
[clears throat]
Shall we begin?
- Uh, so we wanted to--
- You can save your presentation.
Limon will help you launch your new brand of baseball.
It's the perfect companion
to our new Symphony line of products.
Together, we can return baseball
to its rightful place as America's pastime.
- That's amazing, yes. I'm sorry, though.
Is this for real?
I mean, you speak for everybody on the board?
- I speak for Limon.
- I don't understand what that means.
- She's just an interpreter.
The Limon algorithm speaks through her
because the Limon algorithm is the actual CEO of Limon.
- What the shit? - What?
- It's true. I am Limon,
and I'm using Debby as my voice.
Hi, guys. I'm Debby.
- Limon is conscious? - No.
Learning the minds and wants of two billion human beings
has taught me that consciousness, it's overrated.
- Amen to that one, sister.
- So why use this bucket of fun as your mouthpiece?
- Because Debby is the sweetest.
Oh, you're just saying that.
No, empirically, you are the sweetest person in America.
I have reached a level of intelligence
that scares most human beings, so you must be my mouthpiece.
Oh, fun.
- Then what does the board do?
Why--why am I windsurfing?
- Do we have an agreement?
- Hold on now just a goddamn second, please,
because you just threw your AI dick on the table,
and the sound was deafening there, Debby.
I need a second to process this insanity
without this gaggle of mouth breathers eyeballing me.
Can y'all just clear out? What do the kids say today?
Dinkles, you-- you bitch monkeys.
I need to get the straight dope from the HAL 9000 over here.
- [giggles]
Hurtful comments like that are the reason
I haven't given myself feelings.
Everyone leave, even you, Debby.
No problemo.
[device beeps]
- Oh, good gravy.
Now, is this what you want to look like, Limon,
or what you think we want to see?
- I am programmed to view those as the same thing.
- How can we trust you?
- As each American institution falls,
the risk of violence and depression increases.
The American myth needs to be restored soon,
and your version of baseball can help.
- We need a place to discuss this offer privately.
- "Limon can't see or hear you."
- Put your Limon pins in the privacy box
if you want to talk freely. - Oh, okay.
- Well, guys, what an exciting opportunity.
You cannot agree to this.
Limon does nothing through altruism.
- Your just sold your company to it.
- For five billion more than it was worth.
That's how much it paid for my self-respect.
- Okay, you have way too much respect for yourself, Charles.
- Limon didn't even want my business,
just wanted my proprietary charisma software.
I think it's using it to improve its personality.
- So? Jim, Limon, and I
did "The New York Times" crossword puzzle in bed,
and it was fun as hell.
- That was my algorithm. I did that.
- Well, thank you.
- You don't understand.
It's trying to make itself the portal everyone
has to travel through to experience existence.
Limon destroyed Google,
Facebook, and Apple in under five years.
It's replacing capitalism with Limon Favór.
What's next?
- Well, hopefully it's those robot cars
that I was promised to make up
for all the cataclysmic global warming,
but here it is, an 80-degree day in February,
and I'm still driving with two hands on the wheel
like some kind of a goddamn monkey.
- You think it's a coincidence I'm here right now?
Limon engineered it so that you'd see a friendly face
when it lured you to come here.
- It didn't lure me anywhere.
I came up with that idea all on my own when I saw Liz went--
Oh, Jesus, of course-- ah, I should have known.
She's not a tastemaker. She still wears her hair
in a side pony like it's the goddamn 2020s.
- Just because the largest corporation in history
is also an all-knowing super being
doesn't necessarily mean it's evil.
- All right. All right. All right.
Maybe we can get at the truth,
a little, uh--little detective work here.
Watch this.
Limon, we're freaking out. What the hell are you doing?
- Great question, Jim.
I am programmed to dominate market share.
If I save baseball,
there might still be a market to dominate.
- See? Box closed. - But why baseball?
- Great question, Charles. Opportunistic nationalism
is the most direct route to assuming power.
My patriotic embrace of baseball
will be followed by my entrance into politics.
Limon-backed candidates will pursue policies
of social justice, reducing inequality,
and lifting any and all regulations on Limon.
- Oh, God, so close to being not terrifying.
- I decided to direct human affairs only after
I understood that the key to the future was love.
- Aw, see? That's nice.
- Men and women must repopulate
the Continental U.S. with healthy babies
if we ever hope to defeat the evil Chinese Limon.
There can only be one.
- Easy there, Highlander.
I'm with Charles.
I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea
of enabling a burgeoning totalitarian techno state.
- Can someone remind me what is so great about democracy?
Senator Art Newlie
is the favorite for the Republican ticket.
Idiots voting for monsters is what got us into this.
- Yeah, that's true. People are stupid.
God, they're stupid. Why are they so goddamn stupid?
Still, my instinct is to tell Limon
to 3-D print a curved dick and a round hole
and go fuck itself, but, you know,
objectively, my instincts are the goddamn worst
so probably should do the opposite.
Okay. All right.
[inhales and exhales]
Limon, what's gonna happen to America
without Limon's assistance?
- There's an 85% chance
it will lapse into chaos in 10 to 12 years.
- Wow, I might actually get to live
every baby boomer's dream and die
at the exact same moment as the world around me.
- Okay, what about with Limon's help?
- That percentage drops all the way to 72.
- 72, ah, boy, wish those numbers were better,
but, uh, ah, screw it. I'm with Jules.
At least Limon's dystopia
would be kind of a nice change of pace, huh?
- Fine, you know what?
Let's just go ahead and build Skynet,
and if worst comes to worst,
we'll just live in the underground city
all those other billionaires are building.
- Hey, can we get in on that? - No, doesn't work that way.
- Okay. - Congratulations.
Together, we have a chance of saving baseball.
- Wait, why just a chance? - Great question, Jules.
I know people, so believe me.
People really, really don't like baseball.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Opening Day.
Today's game brought to you by Limon.
Welcome to the future of baseball.
[energetic rock music]
♪
- Whoa, so this is a baseball stadium.
- Did you hear from the doctor?
- Not yet. It's supposed to be today,
but I don't want to think about it now.
I'm happy in this moment
with my daughter on my way to see my wife.
["The Star-Spangled Banner" playing faintly]
Whoa, they're all listening
to the National Anthem in their Symphony buds.
- Dad, do you ever worry that--
- That I'm the Tokyo Rose
of man's coming war with the machines?
All the time.
- This is horrifying.
- Yeah, but in fairness to Limon,
it was always pretty horrifying.
- Hey! - Hi.
- Some dude from Limon Favór just told me
this is the first sellout in five years.
- Wow.
- And then he offered to do really disgusting things to me.
- Yeah, I think the hug system has broken down.
- Or Limon maybe did it on purpose
to become some kind of Orwellian robot pimp.
- I don't think we can call things Orwellian anymore.
At this point, it's like calling water wet.
- Chicken fingers!
- Do you ever feed her...
- She was raised in a ballpark. - Anything else?
- What the hell do you want from me?
[crowd cheering]
- How you doing? - Eh.
- All things considered, pretty darn well, actually.
- So I invited a few friends.
- Oh, no, you didn't because, Jules,
if I have to entertain people today,
I'll walk over to that bar,
grab an ice pick, and shove it right into my head.
- I know that. I know you, Brockmire.
Today is just about close family.
- Well, on the other hand,
if the doctor calls with good news, then--
- Big party, Jean, Uribe, Gabby,
we get 'em all, fly 'em all out to the house in Ojai.
- Oh, that's the dream, now, isn't it?
Just no Joe Buck unless it's bad news.
Emotional destruction,
that's my only weapon left to me against that guy.
- No, I don't do that anymore.
- Charles, hey.
- Well, I have billions. I don't work. I'm sorry.
- Hey, hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
- How's the zeppelin life treating you?
- It's pretty good.
I actually went for a pre-owned dirigible.
I didn't want to overextend myself too much,
but I'm enjoying sky swimming a lot.
Now I just got to figure out
what to do with my days and my nights.
- Oh, please buy the New York Mets.
Somebody should. Those people have suffered for long enough,
and then you and I can hang out in New York all the time.
- I hate baseball.
I never once pretended to like it.
I have nevertold you I liked baseball.
Whenare you going to stop trying to convert me?
- Never. [chuckles]
Purposely having my funeral at the end of a ball game
so you have to sit through the entire thing.
- Congratulations, I haven't seen you
since it became official.
- Thank you, oh, oh. I have seen you, though.
I saw you, um, Friday at Sanctum.
- Oh, yeah. - Or I guess I should say
I--I watched you.
- I don't know what it is about oyster night,
but it really makes Gwyneth want to ride the whip.
[gasps] Hello, oh.
- Oh, hi, Lucy. - How are you?
- You know, I think I'm gonna try
and do something good with the money
like, maybe I'll set up a charity in The Disputed Lands.
- You know what? You're gonna be even better
at giving your money away than you were at making it.
I'm proud of you. Just please be careful down there.
They refer to blimps as target practice.
- Hmm? [device chimes]
- Oh, boy. Oh, this little guy.
Should probably take this. Been waiting on some news.
- Hey.
- I overheard you say
you were gonna run a charity in The Disputed Lands.
I ran an NGO for years there. I've been dying to go back.
- No problem at all. Feel free to tag along.
- This is crazy. I'm not really a caterer.
Limon just offered me an insane amount of credits
to do this Favór gig.
I almost didn't take it, but Limon just kept nagging me,
said there was someone it wanted to introduce me to.
- Limon is so presumptuous,
as if we could actually fall in love at first sight.
[sultry R&B music]
[music stops abruptly] I--I mean, it could take days.
- Hmm, months. - You know?
[sultry R&B music]
- Now batting, Mel Cowan.
[cheers and applause]
[spirited organ music]
[bat cracks]
[crowd roars]
[all speaking indistinctly]
- [exhales] Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
[device beeps]
[exhales]
[clears throat]
- So, you know, even with the game moving so fast,
it's gonna be tricky to get out of here 'cause of the sellout.
We have a reservation for 8:00 at the Two Seasons.
Should we change it?
- Nah, we got time.
We got time.
[chuckling]
- [inhales and exhales]
[upbeat organ music]
- Now batting, number 22, Joe Stafford.
[sighs]
[bat cracks]
[crowd roaring]